Location: George Town, Penang, Malaysia

My family, my World. I live on photographs and memories. A hopeless romantic but a cynic in more ways than one.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007


Memories are meant to be kept safe and close.. Close enough for us to reach out to when we feel we have nowhere else to go. But sometimes there’s just too much to keep. And it seems like there’s never enough space. So we have to decide what to throw out. Housekeeping, I call it. Some of us are never good at this. All the good I keep of course. But I never like throwing out the bad either. They are there to remind me of life’s many lessons. So… I keep everything. I’ll manage.
Here’s to memories both good and bad. To a year of many lessons learnt and battles won. A trying year, but one with wonderful surprises after every bend. Things always happen for a reason. And in my case, things always happen for a good reason. I am thankful. For the person who showed me that there is more to love than comfort. For the girl who has been a blessing to our home. For my brother who will always show me the way and for my parents who will always hold my hand. For my Guardian Angel who reminds me that life can always be easy. For friends who are Gold to the core. For all the genuine people who are not afraid to take me as I am. For this little Being at my feet who is, now and for always, the light of this family. Last and definitely not least of all, I am thankful for a certain kindred spirit who has shown me that there’s more to dreams than wishful thinking.
I am grateful.

Sunday, February 11, 2007


Just bought a pretty little book of peotry by Emily. Hard cover, simple blue ink on recycled paper. So pretty. On the last page...

Fame is a Bee,
It has a Song,
It has a Sting,
Ah, too, it has a Wing.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Hence the old books and photographs...

Taking flght
Originally uploaded by toulouseboy.
I haven’t updated in awhile. Maybe because I didn’t feel the urge to. It always starts with something. Something indefinable that triggers my all my mixed up emotions. And when I get emotional, I have to have an outlet. In the case of having a not-so-anonymous blog, I tend to splurt out my emotions in a cryptic, make-your-own-assumptions kinda way. Feelings I’ll never truly understand myself. Feelings if revealed might wound those I truly care about. Why risk the happiness of others just to satisfy my curiosity? My yearnings? Not worth the impending heartache that will definitely bite me in the ass.
But still, a girl is always free to dream. Dream of a love that can defeat time and dimensions. Of a perfect place where love is never painful. Free to entertain the spiritual notion of a love that has endured centuries and centuries. And.. what else.. argh.. I can go on forever but that would leave me bare naked for all the hateful cynics to slowly devour. Then again, it’s not like anyone gives a fat-frog’s-ass about my blog. (:
In the meantime, talking to a confidant just won’t help curb my emotional meanderings anymore. So I’d just have to settle for this. It’s more romantic like this anyway. (:

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Home Is Where The Dog Is

Originally uploaded by toulouseboy.

Toulouse died on the 5th of June 2001. One week before his 9th birthday. 2 weeks later, Kong Kong left us too. Life has never been the same since. I miss them both dearly.
It's Impossible to replace those you've lost. And it hurts even more if you try.
Gorby found us in October that same year. He has never failed to make us smile since. I guess we do find the best things when we're not looking.
To me the best gift in life is Family. Gorby is the soul of our family. The embodiment of Home. He's also the cutest thing that has ever set foot on this planet. (:

Thank You dearly,
For sending him down,
Life is easier now,
Just by having him around.

Our little Angel,
Our darling little boy,
Thank you for bringing along with you,
The most precious gift of Joy.

Time passes by so Quickly,
We'll never know the reason why,
Soon it'll be time for you to go home,
And I know we'll miss you when you say


Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Spoonful of Sugar............

Spoonful of Sugar...
Originally uploaded by toulouseboy.

-Modesto's at the Duty Free Zone-

Yesterday was so liberating! Just what I needed.. And also.. my nose miraculously stopped itching as soon as I got into the car! Haha..

...helps the medicine go down.
in the most delightful way...!

Mystery of stillness






Originally uploaded by toulouseboy.

One, 2, Three...

Originally uploaded by toulouseboy.

Mee Rebus

Mee rebus by the shore overlooking Singapore. Had so much fun .. Finally .. I guess it's ok here if you're with someone familiar. It's ok anywhere if you're with someone familiar!

Finally bought toilet paper.. Haha.. (When I arrived here on Sunday, I asked for toilet paper and all I got for a reply was a blank stare. It was as though I was asking for my own room).. And yes.. I have toilet paper.. Hahahaha...

2 down 2 to go... Can't wait to get back to the City.. I actually miss KL...

Am on location now wating for my first scene. I've been riding on someone's (The office's maybe) wireless network. I know it's bad but, hell.. I deserve internet access!!! Haha.. Internet access makes me happy.
Don't even have my face on yet and my hair is still dripping. Glasses are smudged up but am too lazy to clean them. I'm indoors. AC and all so I shouldn't be complaining.

Nose much better today. No cockroaches under the bed last night so I slept like a log..

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Dancing Rainbow

Originally uploaded by toulouseboy.

I'm not feeling too well... Nose very bad.. funny how I've never had a bad-nose-day on shoot at the Realiti rehearsal hall. It's by far the dustiest place I've ever been in... And I my nose is always bad..withdrawal symtoms maybe.... Haha..

Rainbows make me happy..

Johore has no Rainbows...

Down South...


I miss my 'alternate REALITI'......

I hate change... I like my box.. It's comfortable and reassuring.. safe and warm.

It's tolerable here in Johore. A 180 culture Change but I'm coping. I'm just very spoilt. Yes I am..

Change.. inevitable..

"Experience is NOT what happens to a man, It is what a man DOES with what happens to him.
CHANCES are oppoutunity, success is reward, failure is education;-)"
-05.30.2006 00:46:43-

I guess you'll never know if theres someone waiting round the bend, ready to change your life as soon as you go round it. ... If I had known would I still have gone round it? ... the saddest thing is... People DO change... and it's worse if the person is yourself..

Sunday, May 28, 2006

A Scent

He has this very distinct scent. Not cologne.. Might be the detergent he uses for his laundry. Hah.. I love that scent. Smells so familiar yet so distant and new.

Found this buried in a blog I uesd to keep..

SV was wearing a certain designer men's cologne which brought back fond memories of a certain suburban street in Santa Clara.. I told him I liked the scent he was wearing very much and he knew immediately what I was talking about and warned me about the dangers of living in the past.. (coz' I've mentioned it before awhile back.HAha..) Yes.. I always like taking frequent trips back to my younger glory days and it doesn't do me any good most of the time. But this time it was different. It's amazing how a certain scent can sing you familiar songs, bring you back to a certain apple tree or lie you down on comfy cotton sheets with the pleasant unfamiliar morning sun on your face. Yup.. all that..This time it's different because I have never looked at this in the way I'm looking at it now.. And it set off an odd feeling in my little time capsule. Then it suddenly dawned upon me .. I realized that some memories are meant to be kept safe and untainted. And sometimes you just have to throw away all the unhappy stuff because theres just not enough space for them. Yup.. some things are meant to be kept close to the heart.. unchanged and left the way it is...Even if it's only a memory and you know that it'll never happen again.. even if you have a choice to relive it. I talk about reliving the past at times but this time..this memory of the perfect Californian sun.. with a certain KL boy should be left the way it is.. For it was just perfect. For the first time I'm able to only look at the beautiful things in a past relationship and not bury myself in the unpleasant and clogging my mind with the things I should have done. I thank you for all the times we've shared and all the things you've done for me. The only regret I have is that I didn't give you as much as I could have. I only wish I could have given you more. Wherever you are now I hope you're extremely happy. I'm so sorry for all the bad times we've had. But I'm also so very thankful for all the exceptionally good days we've shared. You're such a good person, good friend. I know we have separate lives now and I'm very happy where I am now. I hope you're happy too..

Funny how just a simple scent can trigger such nostalgia .. ??

Just finished work. Went to KLCC but there were too many poeple. Couldn't find the song I want. So I'm downloading LimeWire. Shh.... Hah..
Tired but restless.. make any sense?
I miss home.
Don't want to go to Johor. Have to visit Eileen.. Hope she's alright..
He still bothers me.. Thinking of him bothers me.. I know I shouldn't.....
I need to get my songs ready by June.. Impossible.
Don't want to leave my 'alternate realiti' Gonna miss them.
Is there a reason why I'm always living in the past?
Can't get my camera fixed.. was told we can't get the German parts in Malaysia..
Why am I so drawn to certain people? Certain places
Certain things?